Make Every Day Thanksgiving!
November 25, 2009 by Will Marre
Of all the people who have ever lived, we are the most fortunate. Truly. Some experts estimate that 50 to 70 billion human beings have lived on Earth. Most lived in conditions we can only term as “life or death.” A little more than a hundred yeas ago most mothers expected to bury nearly half the children they brought into the world because fatal diseases and accidents stalked every family. The average marriage lasted fourteen years because one of the spouses died. Medicine was a primitive art. Surgery was filthy and insanely painful. If a common cold became pneumonia, death was virtually certain. People commonly died from tooth infections. Few enjoyed the amazing comforts of indoor plumbing until the 1920’s. And for thousands of years most of the world’s population were exploited by powerful, merciless tyrants who multiplied human suffering by constant war. Most human beings have never enjoyed human rights, reading or writing, let alone heat or air conditioning. There is absolutely no doubt—we are fortunate.
But even if we consider our wonderful comforts and advantages, even if we value our personal freedoms to think, act, work and believe according to our own choices, we still surprisingly feel hog-tied by our own frustrations and unmet desires. We chronically over-focus on what we don’t have, and the greatest threat to our health is our self-induced stress. It doesn’t have to be that way. We can feel lasting contentment and large doses of joy. It is our choice.
Here’s how.
Recent research confirms that many of us are so over-busy and multi-tasking that we have ceased to feel our feelings. What that means is that positive emotions are now only concepts in our minds rather than authentic emotions. We say, “I love you” as a closing sentence on every phone call to our spouse, significant other, or children, but it’s simply a verbal habit. Of course we love them. We know we do. We sacrifice for them, we respect them, we even feel empathy when they suffer or succeed, but we no longer feel the genuine emotion of heart grabbing love. We’re too busy to.
Perhaps the easiest way to think about this problem is to recall your rip-roaring emotions when you first fell in love or held your baby. There was a time when just being together created moments of intense and deeply satisfying emotions. You not only knew you loved them, but you felt it big time. It was like swimming in a warm bath of love. That’s because you put all your energy into feeling the presence of your beloved. You held them in unconditional positive regard. Their flaws and shortcoming were overlooked because you experienced their essential goodness. That’s the power of being present. What it takes to feel that way is putting your full energy on the subject of your gratitude. Whether it is a sunset, a quiet lunch with your beloved, or a noisy dinner with your extended family, be “all in.” 100%, a 1000%.
One habit I have found quite helpful is to practice this kind of presence with deep gratitude first thing in the morning. Between awakening and getting out of bed I take 3 minutes and take 4 deep breaths. I try to get the morning oxygen in all the way to my toes. Then I ask, “What am I most grateful for today?” I quickly settle on just one thing and then I point all my mental and emotional energy into feeling my gratitude. I smile. I try to linger and bring my busy mind back to this singular focus. What I feel in those gratitude-drenched moments is enoughness. And that feeling of fullness is a kind of spiritual shield that seeks to protect me from creating irrational stress, angry fears and crippling self-doubt. Well mostly. Nothing of course works perfectly or all the time. Yes, I have bad days and disappointments, I still worry and get grouchy, but I also seem to tap into a resilience that is greater than my own smallness. For that I am very, very grateful.
So what’s the best thing we can do? Make every day Thanksgiving.
We have too many verbal habits. ‘Slow down, you move too fast’ … remember that line from the old (dare I say sappy) song called (I think) Feelin’ Groovy? Slow down in every way every day is what I tell myself. Be where my body is … otherwise I can’t feel anything. Yep, gratitude first thing in the morning and throughout the day really does make a difference. My delicious slowly assembled and eaten lunch, the warmth of tea going down, the softness of my dog’s fur, the luxury of flannel sheets, the beauty of a tree in all its autumnal glory.
I am so thankful for you, Will, for your work in the world and your authentic, feeling-filled messages. I still think you should be on one of those billboards by Foundation for a Better Life.
With appreciation,
Jana
So well spoken Jana! I wish I could write the way both you and Will do, the way both of you express the simplest pleasures in visual detail. What’s most important in my life is the need to keep focused on love and happiness. Happy Thankgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving (Loving Gratitude) to All!
Some thoughts from a guy named Earl Nightingale who died a few years back but who shared and left many positive legacies for the benefit of us all.
“People are where they are because that is exactly where they really want to be – whether they will admit that or not.”
The Greatest Things:
• The best day, today.
• The greatest puzzle, life.
• The best policy, honesty.
• The greatest thought, God.
• The greatest mystery, death.
• The best work, work you like.
• The greatest mistake, giving up.
• The most ridiculous asset, pride.
• The greatest need, common sense.
• The most dangerous person, a liar.
• The best advice, use good manners.
• The wisest short-cut, develop mentors.
• The greatest fault, to be aware of none.
• The greatest truth, we reap what we sow.
• The most expensive indulgence, self-pity.
• The greatest deceiver, one who deceives self.
• The best habit, making good on all commitments.
• The best teacher, one who brings out the best in you.
• The saddest feeling, feeling envious of another’s success.
• The greatest thing in the world, love - love of family, home, friends, associates, company and country.
Do you want to be a cause or an effect?
We are at this moment, all standing in the middle of our own acre of diamonds or are three feet from striking gold. It is our daily choices that will make the difference one way or the other. Anything is possible.
SEE IT - FEEL IT - BELIEVE IT - TAKE ACTION - ACHIEVE IT!
Thank you all for your inspiring words.So many of us feel the same way… it’s very, very encouraging.
A late comment, but something I would like to add.
Too many of us are only thankful for the “good” things in life. A pay raise, a relaxing vacation, a wanted gift, or a beautiful flower.
If we are thankful for everything in life, no matter how difficult it is, then we start to appreciate all the little things that we often take for granted.
How many of us have complained about being too busy at work? How many of us would be happier if we lost our jobs? Shouldn’t we be thankful that we are so busy that we have a job to go to and a way to support ourselves and our families?
What about those darned bills that seem to keep getting bigger every month. Electric, water, trash, phone, internet, cable, when are we going to start paying for air? Would we be happier without electricity in our homes? Without running water? Perhaps we should be thankful that we can afford to pay for all these luxuries! Well, maybe we’d be better off without cable TV.
If we think about it, it’s pretty easy to find things to be thankful for even the most mundane things. Our beat-up car that barely runs, our clothes that need repair, the yard that needs mowing, these are all things that we take for granted, but which truly are blessings.
What about the loss of a loved one? We can avoid the pain by never loving. Would any of us prefer that? I sure wouldn’t.
Be thankful every day, but be thankful for everything in your life!