Egomania–Over Believing Our Strengths

Who would have thought Toyota would be brought to its Prius knees because of quality problems?  Who would have thought one of the most disciplined athletes of our time, Tiger Woods, would be so sexually reckless?  Certainly not many of us would have predicted Toyota’s or Tiger’s challenges.  And while it’s tempting to be critical or even condemning, their trials have a common thread that are at the root of all our challenges.  It’s simply this.  Often our greatest failings are found in over-believing our strengths.  And when our strengths are extraordinary we can’t help but think we’re special.  We delude ourselves into thinking that our specialness exempts us from failure, so we ignore the signs of it until it overwhelms us.  The saying is, “Nothing fails like success.”  Which means that extraordinary and consistent success forms mental cataracts that eventually blind us to our failings and weaknesses.  This becomes worse when we are surrounded by an entourage of flatterers who make our blindness darker.

The catastrophe of Toyota is rooted in organizational ego disorder (OED).  For years Toyota led the world in automotive and manufacturing quality.  Business leaders, engineers and researchers from around the globe made pilgrimages to Toyota to learn the secrets of continuous improvement.  Toyota truly set world standards of quality so when drivers started complaining their cars were potential killing machines due to something frighteningly called sudden acceleration and Prius’s, of all cars, had broken brakes, it was natural for Toyota to blame the drivers.  The thinking goes, “We build the best cars in the world; therefore nothing could be wrong with the cars.  It must be our customers.”  When we think we’re invincible or even extraordinary at something we can hardly resist becoming the last place to look when something goes wrong.

First we deny there is a problem.  Next we blame others for it, and finally we say it doesn’t matter.  These three ego defenses give us three off-ramps to seeing the truth and making changes.  When something is going wrong, denying the problem is guaranteed to escalate its damage.  The wisest among us embrace the truth, welcome feedback and hunger for improvement.  Blame of course is always tempting. “She drove me to it” is the common excuse for infidelity or cheating at anything.  Blame is inviting because we are world class at it.  It’s usually rooted in some truth.  The best excuses are always supported by our carefully selected evidence.  After all, I am sure some drivers do step on the gas instead of the brakes when they panic and every spouse provides ample reasons to seek a “better” partner.  But so what?  We aren’t off the hook for all the evidence we choose to ignore.

But our worst ego-failing is the last.  Saying bad stuff doesn’t matter because I am great is the ultimate moral failure.  We’ll see if Tiger can make a heroic comeback.  It’s very tempting for people who are truly great at something to give themselves a free pass on all the things that cripple them.  Just ask any successful politician, singer, actor or sports star.

So what’s the best thing we can do? Be hungry learners.  Seek feedback.  Always invest in our own growth.  Invest in our strengths but always manage our weakness.  Make no excuses.  Don’t blame or rationalize.  Who you are, what you do, what we say all matters.  Most of all we need to take responsibility to clean up our own messes.  That is the essential first step of becoming a decent human being.  And remaining decent is a daily challenge for all of us.

The Problem is About Bigness Itself–Threatened by Dinosaurs

I do leadership consulting for a living. I am fortunate to work with enlightened large companies helping to revolutionize their leadership training to a 21st century model where value is created by creating a sustainable future. What I’ve witnessed in the past 3 years is nothing short of astonishing. While big companies are far from perfect they are making rapid and amazing progress at inventing new products and services that are healthier, sustainable and benefit humanity. But this is far from the norm. There are many, many leaders that pathetically don’t get it. Their self-interest and wholly materialistic view of enterprise is the only Kool-Aid they drink. Increasingly they are desperate to survive, and they have become gigantic parasites sucking the life-blood of our economy and our future.

We used to think that business and government operated with a healthy tension that led to both a vibrant economy and a constrained government, but that is now a sad illusion. Now they simply feed on each other in a new kind of “state capitalism.” Please, please know that this is both an impulse of Republicans and Democrats. We know that by looking at what people do rather than what they say.

According to the Economist, the biggest expansion in the American state since the 1960’s was driven by none other than George Bush. As a give-away to drug companies he expanded a huge drug entitlement program of Medicare at retail prices. He also created the biggest new bureaucracy since World War II called the Department of Homeland Security. He also greatly expanded no-bid contracts to defense and other government contractors. 7000 new pages of government regulations were installed and wiretaps and financial data mining of our bank accounts became government-as-usual.

Since the financial meltdown taxpayers have had to bailout our big financial institutions and auto companies while no one pays any consequences.

Meanwhile both Democrats and Republicans are locked in an ideological cage fight played out in our hyperactive media while our nation convulses in dry-heaves of meaningless sound bites. If children are to thrive we need something more.

But that will be difficult. The marriage between big governments and big business is even greater in other big economies like China and Russia whose governments routinely “buy” private companies, decide who gets capital and who is pushed aside. (Most of these nations’ global companies are in fact owned by their governments!)

Meanwhile, a Saudi Prince (remember the Saudi Arabian government owns all the Saudi oil reserves) is the second largest stockholder in News Corp., which owns Fox “news” and the Wall Street Journal (see Fortune). He is also the largest stockholder in Citigroup, one of our too big failed banks. If you wonder whether this foreign quasi-state investor has much influence at News Corp. or Citicorp, Vikram Pandit, CEO of Citigroup, remarked that Prince Alwaleed’s view of his performance would determine whether he keeps his job! Prince Alwaleed announced he is opposed to new taxes on big banks to recoup U.S. taxpayer support. Big surprise. Isn’t it interesting that a foreign Prince has that kind of influence over the leadership of one of our largest failed banks? More influence than the taxpayers who kept Citicorp afloat.

This is just a symptom of the twisted new world of State Capitalism where the financial power brokers of Wall Street have moved from New York to K Street in Washington D.C.

Now we’re in a brave new world, sanctioned by our Supreme Court that opens the door to global corporations supporting their favorite U.S. political candidates. Welcome to bizarroworld where free speech has become bought and paid for speech by global corporations who claim to have the same rights as individual citizens. How do you like that Thomas Jefferson!

It’s long been observed that when companies are growing, brimming with innovation and new products they spend little on lobbying. However when big corporations grow dull and profits are shrinking they “invest” millions in Washington to impact laws and regulations to tilt the playing field, restrain competition, gut anti-trust laws and create special tax breaks. They simultaneously tout free markets while they work like demons to rig things for personal benefit.

So the problem we face is not only about big government; it’s about bigness itself. Dinosaurs were huge. Their inability to adapt caused them to go extinct. Now we have the dinosaurs of big government and big business mating creating offspring that is simply devouring all the assets and resources of generations of work.

What is the best we can do? State Capitalism is the global rage. It reigns almost everywhere from Japan, China, Malaysia, the Middle East, Western Europe and of course our own bloated version of it. Its failures will be painful and drawn out. The most important issues are personal ones that impact you and your loved ones. My view is don’t expect the system to change soon. There is too much juice in it to voluntarily reform itself. It’s time to live prudently, become multi-skilled in work that ignites our passions and focus on all the things we do control. There will be great churn in the economy and great opportunities to out-run the dinosaurs. It’s a day of constant innovation and, if viewed correctly, unprecedented opportunity. There are still great companies to work for that are innovative, treat their employees well and are thriving even now (Fortune Magazine’s 100 Best Companies to Work For). Remember, it’s our day-to-day life that matters, and in every epoch there are those that adapt, thrive and pursue their dreams. Be one of those. Life is risky. Take charge.

Gutless Leadership and Health Care Suicide

One of my close friends is a hospice volunteer. Lately he is supporting a vibrant, full-of-life 80-year-old woman who’s got a bad heart and who’s chosen to die as fast as possible. She’s in an independent care facility that costs a lot so she’s decided to voluntarily starve herself to shut off expenses so she can leave some money to her full-grown children. I know. He’s tried to talk her out of it, but she’s determined. She wants to die because she can’t afford to live. Welcome to America.

Meanwhile our leaders do anything but lead. The Democrats are sissies. The Republicans are bullies. I think most of us are sick of toxic, dysfunctional, ego-bloated politicians pretending to lead our nation.

As I have stated months ago, as well as many great comments from the rest of you, (see Outraged at the Politics of Health Care and Will Marre’s Radical Solution to Health Care) the fundamental problem with a financially unsustainable health care system is that the profit motive is its key driver. This creates a crazy maze of confusion, waste, cost, and suffering. Today’s price of health care is driven by cartels and rich interest groups who compete like Gladiators for a piece of yours and my pie.

1. Thanks to the near elimination of antitrust safeguards, 7 big private insurers control over 80% of health insurance in our nation. These companies are designed to take in as much money as possible from you and pay out as little as possible. They make the insurance claims process confusing and time consuming for patients and doctors, which increases costs and time. This also discourages many people and even physicians from making totally legitimate claims, which increases profits by tens of millions annually. Of course we also know that insurance company claims representations are rewarded for denying claims or finding unethical loopholes to deny payments for treatments to insured persons for trivial reasons causing systematic suffering and in some cases avoidable deaths. Lately insurance companies have been raising premiums in huge chunks to make as much as they can before they are regulated. The obvious conflict between investor interests and our nation’s health care is so great it is breaking our economy.
2. Drug companies have created a closed, unfree market in the U.S., which allows them to charge many times, often 10 times, more for a drug than it costs in other western countries. The idea that Merck drugs in Canada may not be as safe as the same drug in Minnesota is an insult to all of us. The argument that American consumers need to pay higher prices to support U.S. drug companies’ research is simply wrong. U.S. drug companies spend much more on consumer advertising than all of their drug research combined. If business believes in free markets and globalism, then let’s have it. Free trade and a common world price for all drugs.
3. The medical profession has too many incompetent doctors doing procedures they shouldn’t be doing simply because these procedures pay well. It has long been known that the most expensive and difficult procedures are done at the lowest total cost and have the best results when they are done in well-equipped hospitals that specialize in those treatments by doctors who do hundreds of those procedures per year. If you need a heart bypass, go somewhere where they do hundreds of them. These “Centers of Excellence” save money and lives. The medical profession also needs to do a much better job of getting rid of incompetent doctors that cause the majority of malpractice claims. It would also be wise to establish special health courts to curb the abuses of trial-lawyers who game the system to win big awards on the basis of emotion rather than science and responsibility.

I could go on, but who would listen?

The core solution I believe is a universal insurance exchange that is set up as a national non-profit co-op “owned” by all American citizens run by competent executives and properly rewarded employees who have one goal—make sure that the most people have access to the best health care. This can be done with excellence and efficiency. Employees should be rewarded for quality and keeping people healthy not for denying sick people coverage.

We need something more than the best we get from compromising with the huge health care industry that has spent $425 million lobbying against us in the past 4 months. There is a role for private insurance companies, but we must level the playing field by creating a force of citizen power to create realistic and sustainable economics for health care. (The rest of my proposals are in previous blogs.)

Today our health care strategy is a mess because we are trying to turn a rusting ocean liner into a rocket ship. No matter what modifications we make to the rapidly sinking boat, it will never fly.

We must have a whole new system. One that gives people choice and confidence. One that rewards people for healthy lifestyles. One that is uniquely American. Not run by the government but by well-informed citizens who can blend the best of our fierce independence, distrust of bureaucracy and our collective heart for our common good.

I do not claim to have all the answers. But I am disgusted with Democrats who turned what should have been a health care revolution into a poison stew of who-knows compromises. The “brand” of the Democrats is whiny, victim, poor me thinking. They are also ready to compromise because they have no visible backbone and few ideas they are ready to fight for. The Republicans sicken me. Their “brand” is arrogant know-it-alls who only want to lower taxes, fight wars, remove regulations and promote a new aristocracy. Their “I’ve-got-mine and no-one’s-going-to-tell-me-what-to-do” mind set is a cowboy philosophy completely at odds with the higher purpose of society.

As far as health care goes, I am most impressed with Jesus’ advice. When the Samaritan came upon an enemy who was left for dead by the side of the road, he didn’t say, “Well, he probably deserved it.” Instead he took him in and got him medical attention and paid his bills. It seems clear to me that moral maturity demands we seek to reduce all avoidable suffering. If that were our motive and we didn’t compromise with the moneychangers, we just might come up with something simple, practical and affordable.

I, for one, don’t want the status quo. I don’t want some two-bit, best-I-can-get superficial leftovers approved of by the special interests. I am sick of hearing what’s possible.

What I want is a radically new way of looking at this challenge and the leadership courage to make our country a better place to raise our children.

How about you?

–Will Marre

Socially Responsible Leadership and Wise Leaders Who are Investing in the Future of Humanity

It’s easy to be outraged at the incompetence and greed apparent in business leadership. Titanic ethical failures like Enron, failures in judgment by General Motors and greed-induced insanity by our major financial institutions have caused millions to suffer. Leadership failure is so bad the Economist magazine reports that only 2% of consumers worldwide trust business leaders to do the right thing if it costs them profits. With business institutions having the most trans-global power on earth, that is breathtakingly bad.

But there is a strong minority of courageous and wise leaders who use their resources for much more than self-interest. More needs to be known about these wise companies who lead their industries, embrace sustainability and are investing in the future of humanity.

Take FedEx and Johnson & Johnson for example. They have partnered with Heart to Heart International, a health-based nonprofit whose main focus is to get life-saving medicine and supplies to victims in crisis. Their work has never been as important as now as they rush to get much needed supplies and medical support to help save Haiti earthquake victims.

Fed Ex and Johnson & Johnson make these efforts possible. Not only has FedEx provided significant financial support and transportation services to Heart to Heart, but they also have created Forward Response Centers—FedEx warehouses full of relief supplies that are ready to go to virtually any disaster zone in the world quickly and efficiently. These centers take up valuable space in FedEx warehouses, but they do it because they understand that business is about more than money. When the tsunami hit Thailand in 2007, FedEx planes were among the first to land medical supplies. These Forward Response Centers have made it possible for Heart to Heart to be among the first responders to the Haiti disaster.

Johnson & Johnson is one of the main generous providers of these supplies which include The Ready Relief Box, otherwise known as the portable pharmacy that contains such items as pain relievers, antibiotics, vitamins, first aid supplies and doctor’s essentials such as a stethoscope and digital thermometer; The Medical Surge Module, which can increase capacity at healthcare facilities by providing enough medical supplies for 2,000 patients; and The Personal Hygiene Kit, which provides hygiene care for up to two weeks and is vital after a disaster to prevent contagious diseases from running rampant.

And wise leadership is not limited to a few visionary corporations. Today the non-profit Grameen Foundation is focusing their efforts on economic recovery—both short- and long-term. In partnership with Sèvis Finansye Fonkoze (a Grameen Foundation microfinance partner in Haiti), the Grameen Foundation will build upon their existing efforts in Haiti of using microfinance and technology to help Haitians, especially women, move themselves out of poverty and build a more self-reliant future. The President of the Grameen Foundation, Alex Counts, states, “Please help us help the nation recover from this recent disaster and try, as hard as it may be to imagine, to help our local partners build a Haiti that is more prosperous than pre-earthquake conditions.”

So what’s going on with these enterprises? What drives their leaders to do what others refuse to do? In my 30 years of working with senior leaders I can only conclude it is, at its core, one thing. Wisdom. Plato defined wisdom as “a knowledge of the Good and courage to act accordingly.” He further described wisdom as the commitment to seek the right balance between “all that exists.” What we today might call sustainability. At the core, wisdom is moral courage. As philosophers from every culture, across time have noted, it is not enough to know what is Good. We must also act on that knowledge. The responsibility of today’s business leaders to act from wisdom is essential for our future. We are all increasingly connected and to act only on self-interest is poisoning the water that our children drink.

Sadly, nearly all leadership failure I have witnessed up close has been the result of many small decisions that compromise the wise choice into simply an expedient one. Too many leaders are driven by fear. Fear of being criticized by the Wall Street money-changers or fear of being second guessed by their own hard driving executive team. Fear makes leaders stupid. The neurobiology of fear literally extinguishes creativity, open-mindedness and moral reasoning. We need leaders who have the everyday courage to act on the “Good” as a way to create more value for all. When I counsel senior leaders I often ask them, “How much good can you do, right now? When I get a response I simply say, “Do that.” You see doing the best thing you can imagine in a sustainable, wise way always creates value that makes you and your enterprise stand apart. So it not only ends up being wise but also smart.

Most of the few great companies that are doing the most to restore environmental balance and benefit humanity don’t toot their horns about it. (Who knew FedEx planes were landing in Haiti full of medicine?) No, that’s not a good thing. In 2003, I founded REALeadership Alliance to do just that; help leaders and companies become clear on the good they can do. The wisdom of courageous leaders needs to shine as a beacon to inspire those who fear to wake up and get busy saving our world. It’s actually just wise business.

So what’s the best thing you can do? Transcend your own fear. We are all leaders. All CEOs of our own lives. Be wise. Stand for something that matters. Speak up every day for the best thing you can imagine. Everyday courage accumulates. Our consistent small acts of integrity change the future. We all need to lead.

Change is not hard. Make it a happy New Year!

As we are thrust into a new decade, it’s tempting to focus on our frustrations, fears and uncertain times.  Many have had a very tough year.  Some even tragic.  It’s easy to get red-hot angry over politics, special interests, jobs, taxes or people who hate so much they light themselves on fire in airplanes headed for Detroit.  And if the big picture issues don’t light your fuse there is plenty of personal drama to frustrate us.  Relationship problems, career dissatisfaction, debt and job uncertainty are all plagues that give us chills and fever throughout our lives like some seasonal flu.  Except this year the financial and emotional flu has been epidemic.

So what should we do?  Deepen our focus on our dreams!  No, I am not kidding.  The best way of overcoming anger, frustration or a sense of drifting in a rubber raft swirling in a toilet bowl is to:

1. Get clear on our soul’s desire.
2. Engage our design to go after our desire.
3. Ignite the energy of our most noble drives to keep us fired up against setbacks, obstacles or fatigue.

Many, many people I’ve coached or counseled over the past decades are too confused about their life, jobs or relationships to know what they most deeply desire.  As one 40-year-old hard charging V.P. put it two weeks ago, “I wonder if what I’ve become is simply the result of trying to fulfill the expectations of others.”

“Well stop,” I said.  “If you even have those thoughts you are probably over busy achieving someone else’s goals.”  I know from experience that does not produce inner satisfaction or take you where you want to go.  I have worked with scores of people who focused their lives on meaningless work and made foolish sacrifices in hopes their stock options would become worth something or they would please an unpleasable manipulator only to be slammed with being laid off, betrayed or discarded.  Our world responds to people who are clear on what they most deeply desire.  I don’t mean relief from stress or a life of ease.  I mean something much more important.

Just imagine for a minute that your design, your traits, talents and track record of success (experience), are all perfectly aligned to support you in pursuing the life you will find most fulfilling.  What if the biggest positive difference you can make for others is also the most satisfying thing you can do for your own happiness?  What if you could change your life right now to accelerate your progress toward both self-determination and beneficial impact on others?

Well now is the time to act on those questions.  This past year I have witnessed a torrential flood of injustice as greed soaked bankers and self-absorbed politicians destroyed the economy, evaporated life savings and wiped out jobs like a hoard of barbarians trampling peasants.  This has produced individual and family tragedy in the millions as hard working responsible people have lost their way of life, their assets and their future through no fault of their own.  Meanwhile these bankers who sold the world value-less loan derivatives are currently enjoying a distribution of 14 billion dollars in bonuses.

But my point is simply this.  We need, all of us, to make ourselves less vulnerable to the “man” in 2010.  All of us have dreams.  It’s time to wisely pursue them.  If the world is going to change it’s because we, you and I, change it.  Our choices as consumers, workers, parents, students all matter.  Most of all, I believe each of us has a Promise to keep.  That Promise is the difference our life can make.  Who and how we love makes a difference.  How and for what we work makes a difference.  How and where we live makes a difference.  It’s past time to choose the best life we can imagine and begin to live it.  The question before us is what can we do now to insure that by this time next year we will be much further down our road of destiny instead of sidetracked in a snake filled jungle controlled by others hoping to be rescued.

Stop doing things you know you should stop.  Change is not hard.  It’s deciding to change that is.

Listen to the voice of your own soul.  Get clarity on what your soul desires for your relationships, your work and your lifestyle.  That’s your Promise.  Commit to it.

Start.  Imagine the best thing you can do today and just start doing it.  When you change your world, the world changes.

Make it a happy New Year.

Peace on Earth, Goodwill Toward Men

According to Christian tradition, the birth of Christ was accompanied by angels singing, “Peace On Earth, Goodwill Toward Men.” Whether or not you’re a Christian, these are inspiring sentiments.

Alas there has been little peace or goodwill driving most of human history.  Or has there?  It all depends on how we look at it.  Certainly on an empire, nation state, or societal level we’ve not had too much peace.  In fact some say human history is the story of continuous war with short interruptions of peace while we prepare for war.  But if we look at human life on a personal level, we see a different picture.  In terms of everyday kindness, compassion, selfless service, encouragement and care, we experience much of it and offer it everyday.  After living sixty years, I can report that in my personal life I bet 97 percent of my encounters with people are positive.  Or at least not negative.  And I’ve also benefited from gobs of love and goodwill.  Through the American Dream Project and research for my new book, Save the World and Still Be Home For Dinner, I’ve seen with great clarity the power that ordinary people possess to bless the lives of others at work, home, community, internationally, everywhere.  I’ve found that most people who aren’t overstressed are both reasonable and generous.  (I’ve also found that relentless stress makes us small, stupid and fearful.)  So while humans have an insane capacity for evil, I find that in my real life, the life that I live, that people’s will to do good is a far stronger theme.

This positive observation brings me to reflect on what we called growing up the Spirit of Christmas but might also be termed the Spirit of Love.  I am reading Mitch Albom’s wonderful new book, Have a Little Faith, about his personal experience growing up in the Jewish faith, abandoning it and returning to it through a series of conversations with his childhood rabbi.  He also writes of his relationship with a former drug-dealer turned Christian pastor in Detroit who runs a shelter for the homeless.  What he discovers is the universal spiritual epiphany that spirituality is centrally about love and little about doctrine.  His Rabbi is deeply committed to the tradition and validity of Judaism, and his new Christian Pastor firmly believes in Christian salvation.  But yet both are deeply respectful and even supportive of those who follow a different religious but similar spiritual path.  And maybe that’s really the point.

The Pew Foundation recently released a study of American spirituality and found that over a third of Americans who attend religious services attend in multiple places, often in different denominations.  Of course professional pastors and theologians hate to hear this because churches generally gravitate to specific doctrine and authority.  Most often they create exclusive interpretations of make or break beliefs and create a “chosen people” who will be blessed, saved or enlightened while others are lost, ignorant or damned.  This “one true church” doctrine is a problem because no one can agree on which one it might be.  At last count there are 39,000 Christian sects, 13,000 Buddhist, and Islamic beliefs vary from mosque to mosque.  The other problem with exclusionary religious beliefs is that it flies on the face of our personal experience.  All of us know good friends or have children who have strayed from our faith or have “unapproved” lifestyles.  Yet because we know their hearts and intentions, we know they are not bad in an evil sense, even if they struggle with good choices.  We somehow know they are not shut out of God’s family simply because they don’t conform or even misbehave.  And according to the Pew research, nearly half of us report we’ve had a direct spiritual experience that brought us into direct contact with an all-encompassing, soul-filling love from a higher source.  As a deeply committed Baptist mother two days before her death told her yoga-practicing, interfaith daughter,

“I was told in a spiritual experience to put aside all religious and political differences and just love each other” (USA Today).

That sounds a lot like “peace and goodwill toward all” to me.

The Pew research confirms that 92 percent of us believe in a higher power.  And nearly all who believe in a higher power believe it is loving and is driving a larger unseen plan in which our lives count for something more than we currently see.  I count myself as a Christian.  I believe that the majesty of Christ’s message to the world is that all of us are chosen.  He specifically sought out the disenfranchised, the sinner, the ethnic outcasts, slaves, women, everyone that the doctrine-obsessed Pharisees excluded.  His message focuses much more on what we should do to bless others (the Be-attitudes) rather than on what we should not do to save ourselves (the law).  This is not to say that morality and self-control aren’t important.  It’s rather that love is far more important than conformity to some man-interpreted doctrine.  I like that because it confirms my personal spiritual experience, which is similar to the previously mentioned Baptist mom.

So what’s the best thing we can do? First beware of people who insist they know something you don’t.  Beware of people who claim that God would be an advocate of unrestrained capitalism, guns and war.   Also beware of people who claim that God would be a socialist, pacifist or morally ambiguous.  What I’ve experienced is that the spirit of the Divine is calling us to a higher level of thinking, a level beyond today’s cultural wars or frustrating politics.  It’s a level of being and behavior based on the one motive that unites us together with the Divine.  The motive is love.  Our work is to be wise.  It is to encourage and empower self-reliance and work to eliminate the sources of avoidable suffering.  No, the world will never be perfect, but it can be a little better if we have the motive to make it so.  That is our work.  At least that is how, in my 60th year, I see it. 

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to All.

Will Marre

Tiger–No longer a virtuous role model?

Tiger Woods has really been in the news lately.  And the stories are not about his golf game.  Instead the stories are about Tiger acting, well, like a tiger.  I respect his privacy. But even though he is, after all, just an athlete and his private life should be private, I think many of us are a little disappointed that he’s admitted his struggle with his own testosterone.

Why?  Because we long for virtuous role models whether they’re athletes, politicians, religious leaders or business tycoons.  We admire people who in the face of outrageous temptation act on moral virtue.  It seems rare among the famous, rich and powerful.  But like many rare things, it is highly valued.  Perhaps we value the moral commitment of fidelity because it is so hard, so “unnatural.”  We live in a media world that thrives on serving up stimulation and novelty.  It is easy to stimulate the brain juice of dopamine showing reckless infatuation turning to instant sex.  It’s more difficult portraying the fulfillment of deep and enduring intimacy based on mutual trust and commitment.

I know, trust and commitment just don’t sound all that exciting.  But as I point out in my book, Save the World and Still Be Home For Dinner, it turns out that trust and commitment are the bedrock of human happiness and deep life satisfaction.  It also turns out that no greater emotional pain can be felt or caused than betrayal.  Maybe all of this commitment stuff is such a powerful human force precisely because it is unnatural.  I often read that evolutionary biologists claim that monogamy is unrealistic.  Men, we are told, are biologically designed to spread their DNA to as many partners as possible.  Sociologists wonder if being married to one person over a lifetime is too “unnatural” because our modern lifetimes are so long.  But most of us admire multi-decade marriages.  We admire fidelity and honest commitment precisely because these things are so unnatural.

Of course commitment and trust cannot be given blindly.  Our personal dignity requires that trust and respect must be mutual.  Commitment to an exploiter is an act of self-destruction.  However we must take care not to label our partner’s quirks and interests as intolerable or selfish as a weapon to work our own agenda.

It’s hard to be patient, wise and fair.  What is “natural” is to be selfish, self absorbed, and exploitative like Charlie Sheen’s character on Two and a Half Men.  Sure it’s funny.  But we can’t build a civilization by acting natural.  What most of us admire are people who act unnatural.  People whose commitment is greater than their moods.  People whose purpose is greater than their self-interest.  People who value self-control as much as self-expression.  We admire this because these are qualities of our higher selves.  Qualities of our soul.  They are the pinnacle qualities of what it means to be truly human more than just evolutionary blobs of selfish protoplasm.  Enduring love matched with fierce commitment is unnatural, and that’s why it’s so sublime.

So I offer my best wishes and highest hopes for Tiger and his family.  I must also tell you that I don’t speak of these things as an idealist.  I have been roughed-up plenty by life’s surprises and gut-wrenching relationships.  Lasting intimacy is the battleground of happiness and the hard road of fortitude.  At the same time I am convinced there is no other road I’d rather travel because when there is a break in the forest, the views are breathtaking and the oxygen is pure.

So what’s the best thing we can do?  Love like our life depends on it.

Five Most Frustrating Mistakes Most of Us Make Trying to Pursue a Meaningful Life

The Five Most Frustrating Mistakes Most of Us Make Trying to Pursue a Meaningful Life

1.    Waiting for things to change
2.    Pursuing someone else’s mission
3.    Not using our own strengths and skills
4.    Sacrificing our personal life for a greater cause
5.    Becoming either discouraged or obsessed

These are really common mistakes I’ve seen with people who burn
themselves out trying to save the world. Our actual calling and design
to save the world takes far less effort. In fact, I would say it was
effort-less. What we really need to do is look inside rather than
outside and the answers are already there.

Make Every Day Thanksgiving!

Of all the people who have ever lived, we are the most fortunate.  Truly.  Some experts estimate that 50 to 70 billion human beings have lived on Earth.  Most lived in conditions we can only term as “life or death.”  A little more than a hundred yeas ago most mothers expected to bury nearly half the children they brought into the world because fatal diseases and accidents stalked every family.  The average marriage lasted fourteen years because one of the spouses died.  Medicine was a primitive art.  Surgery was filthy and insanely painful.  If a common cold became pneumonia, death was virtually certain.  People commonly died from tooth infections.  Few enjoyed the amazing comforts of indoor plumbing until the 1920’s.  And for thousands of years most of the world’s population were exploited by powerful, merciless tyrants who multiplied human suffering by constant war.  Most human beings have never enjoyed human rights, reading or writing, let alone heat or air conditioning.  There is absolutely no doubt—we are fortunate.

But even if we consider our wonderful comforts and advantages, even if we value our personal freedoms to think, act, work and believe according to our own choices, we still surprisingly feel hog-tied by our own frustrations and unmet desires.  We chronically over-focus on what we don’t have, and the greatest threat to our health is our self-induced stress.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  We can feel lasting contentment and large doses of joy.  It is our choice.

Here’s how.

Recent research confirms that many of us are so over-busy and multi-tasking that we have ceased to feel our feelings.  What that means is that positive emotions are now only concepts in our minds rather than authentic emotions.  We say, “I love you” as a closing sentence on every phone call to our spouse, significant other, or children, but it’s simply a verbal habit.  Of course we love them.  We know we do.  We sacrifice for them, we respect them, we even feel empathy when they suffer or succeed, but we no longer feel the genuine emotion of heart grabbing love.  We’re too busy to.

Perhaps the easiest way to think about this problem is to recall your rip-roaring emotions when you first fell in love or held your baby.  There was a time when just being together created moments of intense and deeply satisfying emotions.  You not only knew you loved them, but you felt it big time.  It was like swimming in a warm bath of love.  That’s because you put all your energy into feeling the presence of your beloved.  You held them in unconditional positive regard.  Their flaws and shortcoming were overlooked because you experienced their essential goodness.  That’s the power of being present.  What it takes to feel that way is putting your full energy on the subject of your gratitude.  Whether it is a sunset, a quiet lunch with your beloved, or a noisy dinner with your extended family, be “all in.”  100%, a 1000%.

One habit I have found quite helpful is to practice this kind of presence with deep gratitude first thing in the morning.  Between awakening and getting out of bed I take 3 minutes and take 4 deep breaths.  I try to get the morning oxygen in all the way to my toes.  Then I ask, “What am I most grateful for today?”  I quickly settle on just one thing and then I point all my mental and emotional energy into feeling my gratitude.  I smile.  I try to linger and bring my busy mind back to this singular focus. What I feel in those gratitude-drenched moments is enoughness.  And that feeling of fullness is a kind of spiritual shield that seeks to protect me from creating irrational stress, angry fears and crippling self-doubt.  Well mostly.  Nothing of course works perfectly or all the time.  Yes, I have bad days and disappointments, I still worry and get grouchy, but I also seem to tap into a resilience that is greater than my own smallness.  For that I am very, very grateful.

So what’s the best thing we can do?  Make every day Thanksgiving.

Has our children’s American Dream been looted by Wall St. and Washington?

Has our children’s American Dream been looted by the elites of Wall Street and Washington? Of course I hope not. I am a nearly insane optimist constantly encouraged by people’s resilience, creativity, and ability to invent unexpected solutions to blood-curdling problems. Of course it is easy to connect the dots to see a picture that is nothing less than a conspiracy of greed. This is not so much a planned conspiracy as it is an emergent system in which a few players have strip-mined our future while gaining financial assets unimaginable a decade ago.

First we can look to the rotten system of well-financed special interests that have invaded Washington. In 1980 there were 300 registered lobbyists. Today there are over 30,000. Lobbyists have gutted our anti-trust laws, which has retarded competition. They deregulated our financial systems, which has evaporated over a trillion dollars in American’s savings and cost us millions of jobs. Meanwhile the very bankers who caused all this suffering are back making multimillion-dollar bonuses doing virtually the same things as they did before the taxpayer bailout. There have been no indictments, no regulation and no repentance.

While Wall Street was becoming a gambling syndicate, the forces of commerce decided it was good for America to become a mall-based economy using cheap debt to buy stuff made in China while China kept its currency artificially low. This enabled the Chinese to become America’s financier loaning us money to pay for bloated college tuition, Hummers and crazy priced real estate.

Now that China holds nearly a trillion dollars of U.S. debt, our President has to tread lightly on issues of Chinese human rights and free speech (Obama’s Censorship Talk Unheard). What’s perhaps more serious is that our foreign policy is being compromised. China is the largest investor in Iranian oil fields and they want the rest of the world to respect Iran’s ambitions to become a nuclear power. So far they won’t let us impose serious economic sanctions let alone use threats of force. How can China dictate our foreign policy? It’s simple. We sold our independence to finance a consumption bubble that left us with debt the size of the Himalayas. Why did we do this? Because the financial engineers of Wall Street and their lobbyists were able to systematically dismantle regulations and institute trade policy using the jargon of personal independence as propaganda to lull voters into believing that Congress was acting in our best interest.

So in a single generation we’ve gone from the richest economy in the world to the world’s greatest debtor. We have a ferocious deficit and staggering unemployment and mass under-employment. Social Security and Medicare are unsustainable and special interests have real solutions held hostage. Who is benefiting from all this? A very few, very powerful club of friends who shuttle between jobs in Washington and New York depending on which political party is in power.

As the grandfather of 9, it’s hard not to be ashamed. I grew up believing in free markets, low regulation and benign power of competing self-interest to create the greatest opportunities for all. It hasn’t worked out that way. No markets are free because special interests are always granted special favors. Unregulated greed always causes innocent people to suffer and self-interest is insufficient to create innovations we need for a sustainable future.

As for Democrats, they are not exactly leading the change I was hoping for. They’ve produced 1900 pages of a health reform bill. Can anything good come from a 2000 page law? What we all fear is they are creating a new bureaucracy distorted by lobbyists to line the pockets of Democrat supporters just as Republicans do with theirs. Well, politics is called sausage making, but it’s imitation meat and we may be in for major indigestion.

As I write this my health insurance premium increase for 2010 is over 14%, and drug companies are raising prices faster than any time in the past 10 years. Corporate self-interest in health care is plundering our health. Real health care reform would remove the profit motive from insurance. We as a nation can self-insure ourselves just as over 1000 major corporations do. We can create incentives for healthy behavior and tax toxic food. We could reduce our total cost of health care to 12-14% of the GDP and increase access and improve health outcomes. We could. We know how. What we lack is the will to make it happen.

What is missing appears to be moral leadership. Leadership that is sincerely focused on the common good as well as individual rights. I have faith that a new, younger generation of leaders will revitalize our future.

As I speak to leaders under 40 and college graduate students, I sense a world-changing values shift. This generation is looking for sustainable solutions, they thirst for self-reliance and firmly believe our institutions, from business to government and education, can be revitalized or even re-invented to work. The new and emerging technology of social media make rapid change more possible. While some cranky people shout at each other on radio shows, the rest of us will reconstruct the future.

Every week as I visit some of America’s most enlightened corporations, I am astounded at the roaring progress of sustainability and greater social responsibility. Last week I visited Nike, who is sponsoring The Girl Effect which is lifting 600 million adolescent girls in developing nations to self-reliance. Women are the force that drives civilization and our future depends on educating our most vulnerable human resource. Girls. Nike also sponsors events like the Homeless World Cup, which brings forgotten, impoverished youth from around the world to enrich their lives and ignite hope. This is not an isolated stunt. Nike uses sport to intentionally break down the walls of racism and gender discrimination, teach leadership and promote teamwork. Their new design and sustainability mandates are driving them to create shoes that leave a zero carbon footprint and can be easily reused as ground up track surfaces or biodegrade.

Why is this happening not just at places like Nike and Gap but at industrial manufacturers I have recently visited like Herman Miller and Johnson Controls? It’s because of you and me demanding change. As consumers and employees we are insisting on corporate responsibility, and it’s working.

As I travel the country on my book tour I see inspiring energy in the eyes of people focused on a new future. What we believe, how we act, who we work for, all matters. More than ever. It’s our time. Each day I am actually more encouraged that we will save the world. You and I using our gifts to do the very best thing we can imagine. Special interests, politicians, Neanderthal leaders are no match for the high tide of our collective will. As we demand more responsibility and sustainability we are forcing the change we really want. It’s time to turn up the heat, increase the volume, and reward progress. It’s time.

Yes, of course I am sickened by our problems, but my optimism is based on our individual moral intent, our ingenuity, and our unwillingness to accept a future that makes our children suffer. I see this resolve everywhere I go. Don’t give up. Ever.

What do you think?

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